Dueling Personas

With all the kids tucked into their beds, I make one last round to ensure their slumber is real and not just a ploy to get me to let my guard down. With eyes closed on all three accounts, I head toward my bedroom to meet an old friend. A confidant that existed in a time when wearing tight jeans was by choice, shaved legs were a priority and life was fueled by a plethora of energy. I climb into bed with my laptop, engross myself in an episode of Sex and the City while plunking my eyebrows and other unwanted facial hair. This is when she makes her appearance – a single girl alter ego that brings a warm familiar feeling that only accompanies seeing an old friend. She can also be conjured while driving alone at night with music of her day blaring, summoning flashbacks of cruising with the car at capacity.

Teenaged Me

Despite the lengthy interludes between meetings, I know this girl. She is confident, knows what she wants and is optimistic that she will get it. But she is not fearless – one close encounter with a chicken or a child yelling mom in any language and she makes her exit. She is then replaced with the more dominant frumpy-sweatpants wearing-it’s just a chicken-super poop wiper persona. Super poop wiper exists in a time where wearing tight jeans isn’t a choice, shaved legs are a thought when considering a skirt-skip it wear the jeans and where energy comes in a can.


The two personas are mortal enemies at best and, therefore, cannot coexist. Super poop wiper often makes attempts to demolish the single girl alter ego but, forever resilient, she continues to linger in the shadows waiting to emerge through a song or childless moment and make me feel human again.

For most of us SAHMs, our single girl persona was pushed out with our first child; however, she continues to dawdle in the depths of chaos and in order to maintain an identity outside of children, we have to let her back in. Twice a week channel this alter ego by doing something you used to do as a single girl (minus the dating). Take a drive, close yourself in your room for some extensive grooming or visit an old friend.


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Karyn Climans
    Nov 24, 2010 @ 12:22:17

    You are so right … it’s hard to hold on to the sexy, spontaneous and spirited side of ourselves in the midst of mommyhood. Well said!


  2. Travis McClain
    Nov 27, 2010 @ 14:26:46

    It’s not so important that you channel Single Girl, but that you consult her about the things in your life. She may not have experienced them, but being young she certainly had opinions about the topics facing you today. Sure, those opinions are formed in the naivety and arrogance of youth, but even a broken clock is right twice a day. Single Girl would shirk a nutritious meal and order pizza because it sounded good. She’d probably let her books collect dust and play some bad pop music loudly. Every now and again, it’s good to ask her what to have for dinner, and how to pass that increasingly rare half hour of “me” time.


    • Torie Combest
      Nov 28, 2010 @ 10:13:27


      Channeling single girl, for me, means just to be alone. There is so much chaos during my day that I just crave to have that alone time. To have that naive ignorance that blocks out real world problems and focuses on the tragedy of not having any shoes to match an outfit, sounds good a lot of the time. However, you are right, it is not good all the time to have this girl around. I will stick to my once or twice a week meeting. Thanks for your comment.


  3. Kasey Edwards
    Nov 27, 2010 @ 18:07:10

    I was shocked how quickly I became ‘just’ a mother after my baby was born. I felt like all that I was and all that I had accomplished beforehand was somehow cancelled out. What made this worse still was that the identity I was left with – being a mother – has such little status and recognition. The work of motherhood is relentless, thankless and, most of the time, invisible. It is truly scandalous that this vital work is totally taken for granted. But yet nobody seems scandalised. http://www.kaseyedwards.com


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