While we are blissing ignorantly under the rays of tropical sunlight during summer vacation, our fine educators are sinisterly collaborating to plot the allotted weeks that test the sanity of any parent. Yes, I am talking about those week long hiatuses from school the devious educators deceivingly dubbed “breaks”. Maybe it is short for breakdown since I, like most parents, lack the skills to survive a week with children who are perpetually bored and not easily amused.
The following is a true account of how I survived one of these sinisterly plotted weeks – Fall Break 2010 (aka Death Camp).
I woke to the sound of distant shrills and quickly realized I was unprepared and unarmed. I threw the blanket over my head hoping it would act as a suit of armor (or at the very least the old adage, if I can’t see them, they can see me, would come into play). They screamed their “I’m bored” battle cry as they charged down the hall. “What’s for breakfast?” They asked – the blanket didn’t work so I got up, faced the enemy and started the first day of Death Camp.
I have to shower. I turn on the water, slip under the warm, relaxing droplets and hear a stampede. A rumble that shook the pictures – thumps against the wall – bodies hit the floor and cry uncle. The thumps become closer to my bathing sanctuary. I turn off the water and hear another stampede – a retreat. I prepare myself and open the bathroom door – I see nothing. All is quiet. Did I imagine it or are they that good?
I wear my dark circles like war paint and my emotional scars like purple hearts as I went into day 3 confident I would wear down the enemy. We fought on home territory. We battled at the park. We fought the great battle at pumpkin patch. The enemy shows no sign of fatigue, so I hide in my trench – my dark circles darker, my emotional scars deeper and my confidence demolished.
Too tired to write – must rest.
I survived. I walk away with only a few bald spots and a twitch. Though I will need extensive therapy for the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, I will not let it interrupt my training for when the enemy returns in the spring. I will be victorious, I will conquer the enemy’s insatiable hunger for entertainment and I…will find better hiding places.